Log in

No account? Create an account
03 May 2011 @ 06:32 am
Do you think video games will still be popular in 15 years? How do you think they'll change?

Video games are something that will never fade out.  Just look at where they started with pong. 2 rectangurlar objects on either side of the screen that you moved up and down to keep a little circle moving from one side of the screen to the other. That was what was considered super high tech back then.  From there, videos games advanced rather quickly. Attari arcade games were the hottest thing since sliced bread when they came out with the smaller home versions that  you could hook up to and play on your TV.  I can remember going to play atari at my friends house when I was litte.  Then came nintendo!! I remember when the first nintendos hit the stores.  There was nothing greater, and who ever had them were gods!!  Since then, videos games have technologically advanced, faster than anyone can keep up with.  Now, not only can we play a video game with a person on the other side of the world, we can do this without ever leaving our sofa, and we can talk to them through the game the entire time.  Hospitals use video games, now, for physical therapy with patients in rehab.  I think video games will continue to pogress technologically, and possibly, eventually, even take the place of current devices such as computers, cell phones, and mp3 players.  I don't believe that to be that far off in the future.
22 April 2011 @ 04:55 am

  I haven't really done any post in my journal since I joined LJ.  I am mainly in the communities reading other peoples posts, providing advice if I have any, giving my opinion on a topic in someone else's posts, or simply posting random thing.  I never actually post about the things I am feeling or thinking.  I always feel insecure, self cautious, embarrassed, or ashamed whenever I start to write about my personal feelings.  I feel guilty more than anything because I feel like everyone elses suffering is more valid than mine.  This morning, though, after I finish making lunch and stuff for everybody, and sat down to my brief me time before I have to wake everybody up and drive them to work and stuff, I got this overwhelming feeling of sadness.  I almost couldn't stop myself from crying.  It has been quite a while since I felt sad like that for no reason.  I also had this unusual urge to write about it.  I figured I would post it in my personal journal cause I don't feel as guilty this way. 
  I found myself suddenly thinking about my life and some of the things my psychiatrist said to me at my appointment.  He mentioned that I had to start finding away to take time for myself.  I need to find something that I enjoy doing away from home, my kids, my husband, and everything else having to do with being a wife and mother.  It didn't dawn on me until that moment that 20 years of my life have pretty much passed me by and I wasn't there for any of it.  I suddenly realized that while most of the people my age are just now settling into careers and starting families, and beginning their lives, mine is coming to a close.  While everyone else is wrapping up their degrees, and having their first babies, or even their second ones, I am preparing mine for graduation, and where she is going after that.  While everyone else is building their nests, mine is soon to be empty.
  I got pregnant at 16, had my daughter at 17,  and I swore I would do all that I could to give her the best that I possibly could.  I swore I was not going to be like one of those statistics who end up pawning their kids off on other people so they can salvage what little bit of childhood they had left.  I swore to take responsibility for my child and be the best mom I could possibly be.  The last thing I swore was that I was not going to make her the center of my life.  I swore that there would be more to me than just a mom.

  A few months ago, something happened to me.  I was sitting at the desk in our living room and I was watching my children playing and wrestling around with each other, and I got this sudden feeling like I was just jerked out of a dream.  I suddenly realized I was a 33 year old mother of 3 almost grown children and one toddler, and a wife.  It wasn't that I had been unaware of those facts, it just that I had become so consumed by them that I never noticed that they had become who I was.  I couldn't seem to remember how I got here, and I still quite can't. 
  I did everything I could to put those thoughts out of my mid and forget about them, but this morning they all came rushing back.  I keep thinking that my oldest, my stepson, is 18 now, my second, my only biological child, my daughter, will be 18 in less then 2 short years, my third, and my step daughter will not far behind with 5 more years until she is 18.
 I have my little adopted baby, but I don't really feel that I am as much of a mother as I was with 3.  I don't know what to do with myself now.  I know there are countless opportunities out there for me, but I feel like there is no point in anything unless it is for my children. 
  I some how lost my identity along the way and now all I know to be is someones mother.  If I am not someones mother, than who am I?  I have a amazing opportunity coming up soon.  I will soon have the opportunity to completely change my life.  I will be able to lose the weight I have been carrying around all my life, I'll be able to go back to school and get a good job and have better, but I keep coming back to the same feeling of "What's the point?" 
  I am so lost in my life.  I need to find purpose again. I am afraid that I am just going to fade away into nothing.


Would you live in the perfect house or apartment rent-free if you found out a brutal murder had taken place there and it was rumored to be haunted? Why or why not?

Even though I am a believer i ghosts and the supernatural and all, I would still take the place.  First of all, "FREE RENT"!!!!  Who can pass that up in todays economy?  Second, if you think about how many centuries of people that have lived in the very place your home sits, do you honestly believe no one have ever died or been murdered there?  Not very much longer than a century ago, laws on kiliing were extremely different than they are now.  Anybody and everybody had guns and there was nothing anyone could do about it.  It was a persons constitutional right to bear arms no matter how insane, racist, or homicidal a person was.   Anyone can research the history of the area they live in.  Chances are, at some point, native americans were settled there.  When the white man came, they drove countless indians fro their homes so that they could build settlement.  More often than not, the indians were brutally murdered, raped, or beaten.  Same was treatment of slaves, the poor, the disabled, etc.  The point is, the chances of there not being a ghosts inhabiting the home you live in, are about slim to none.  You just may not be aware that it's there.                 
12 April 2011 @ 05:17 pm
You're on a crashing plane and your partner is fast asleep. Would you wake her/him up to say 'I love you' one last time or let her/him die in her/his sleep?

To wake him up would be to inflict unnecessary suffering on him.  It would be a selfish act to do that. I would just try to get as close to him as possible without waking him, and hold on to him all the way to the end.  Besides, he would know how much i love him before we even got on the plane to begin with.
04 April 2011 @ 07:55 pm
If you were a superhero, what would your superhero name be?

I  am  a  super  hero!!  They  call  me  "Mom"!
02 April 2011 @ 04:37 am
If you could have the ability to hear everything your best friend or romantic partner was thinking, but you couldn't switch it off (or tell them), would you want it?

No I wouldn't want that ability. Think about the things you think about. How many times have you looked at your best friend and thought that they looked like shit, or they got on your nerves, or some other random thing you would never say out loud to them. They have the same thoughts about you as well and even though I know my best friend loves me, I would be hurt to hear her not so nice thought of me.  How about with your partner? We are all human and we all look at other people. We have no intentions of ever betraying our relatioships, but we have all had rather X rated thoughts about people that are not our spouse/ partner. These are thought are our own private moments that we never talk about or tell our partners about because we don't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel insecure. Our partners are no different. I know my husband looks at other women and has dirty thoughts about them just as I do of other men, but I don't want to know about them.
02 April 2011 @ 04:23 am

Sometimes I feel like I just woke up from a 30 year coma. Like Rip Van Winkle, I must have fell asleep somewhere and slept for 3 decades. It is so difficult to explain the way I feel. I remember my life. Hell, I can remember things from the years of my life that I shouldn't be able to remember. There are only a few memories from those years, and they are kinda hazy, but they are memories all the same. I think my earliest memory was when I was 2. I pretty sure I was only 2 cause my younger brother is apart of the memory and he is only a baby in it and I am 2 years older than him. What I remember is my mom breastfeeding my brother and I was feeling kinda jealous. I wanted my mom to hold me and feed me like that. I wanted to be the baby too. I remember her telling me that breast milk was for babies, and it was nasty, and that I was a big girl that drank big girl milk. I didn't want to be a big girl and drink big girl milk, so I threw a fit. My mom finally said fine, she would let me nurse like my baby brother, but I wasn't going to like it. I can remember feeling victorious, and running over so my mom could cradle me up in her arms like she did my brother. I then remember pulling a big mouth full of milk into my mouth, then letting go and letting the milk just run out of my mouth. I can't remember the taste but I know I didn't like it. I remember my mom looking at me with a little giggle in her voice saying "I told you." 
  The details like colors, clothes, surroundings, or how everyone looked are all fuzzy and unclear. It's only the event itself that I remember. I don't remember anything before or after that one moment. The next real memory I have is when I was 3 almost 4 years old I think, and then of coarse every year after that. There are no unusual gaps in my memory. I was never in a coma or suffered amnesia. All my life is there is my memories, but I still feel like I am missing parts of it. I don't know if this is making sense or not, but I feel like gaps in my life are missing. I have this overwhelming feeling like I just woke up and can't remember how I got here.
  When I think of my past and I start remembering different things I get this feeling like these are not my memories. I feel disconnected from myself. My entire life, up until 3 years ago, feels like a dream. Even when I look at pictures and stuff, I feel like I am looking at someone else. I don't see myself. It's like looking at pictures of someone I once knew that passed away. 
 None of this makes sense. I wish I could remember what I was like before, what it felt like to be the person in my memories and pictures.

28 March 2011 @ 09:47 am
What's the worst thing you ever did to a partner during the course of a relationship? Did you ever move beyond it?

I think the worst thing I ever did was turning my back on my ex-husband when he started losing his mind. He started suffering from severe parnoia, began hearing and seeing things that weren't there, and he started thinking that the people around him were trying to kill him. Whenever he would try to tell me what he was experiencing, I would get angry and start yellinng at him. All he wanted was for me to assure him that everything was alright and that he was safe, but I didn't. I told him he was a piece of shit, and that he was pathetic, and that how dare he put me through that. I was his wife, and I was suppose to help him, not abandoned him.
 Obviously we ended up divorced, but because of that. I never got over the guilt of how I treated him in such a vulnerable time of his life. I still keep in touch with his family and I know he is still dealing with those things and I will always feel responsible for it.
27 March 2011 @ 06:57 pm
I hate bitches that have absolutely no problem dishing shit out to everyone else, but when shit gets dishes back at them, they can't take it!!
27 March 2011 @ 05:53 am
Do you think kids should learn about sex in school, and why?

To be honest, I am surprised we are still debating this subject i the 21st century. I am a parent of three teenagers and I have always been very open and straight forward with them about sex. I have expressed very clearly to them that I would like to see them wait until they are much older and more mature before they choose to have sex, but I have also let them know that I am not stupid either. Sex is a very natural part of life and they are more than likely not goig to be able to win out over their hormones. If we as parents try to convince ourselves otherwise then we are fools. I teach my children that sex is not anything to be ashamed or embarassed about. If they feel they are mature enough to do it they better be mature enough to talk about it.  This doesn't mean I am ok with them having sex, it just means i am realistic with realistic expectations. I know that my son is in fact sexually active and I know for a fact that both my daughters are not because they know they have no reason to be afraid to tell me these things. I also am able to sleep easy knowing my son is being careful. Now not all parents have that kind of relationship with their children and are unable to talk openly about those things so I do feel it important that the schools offer this education. Isn't knowledge, power? I believe that the better our children are educated about sex, the better prepered they will be to make the decision that is best for them when the time comes.